Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
