I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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