all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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