I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
