shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
