I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
