so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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