I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
