Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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