oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
