I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
