It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
