the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
