I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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