i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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