So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
