I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
