Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
