Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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