I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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