u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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