Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
