I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
