i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
