You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
