it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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