I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
