Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
