Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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