If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
