He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
