When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
