the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
