absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
