he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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