Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
