You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
