Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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