Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
