Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
