last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found the puke drawer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
