Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
