Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
