What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
