its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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