If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
