I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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