he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
