guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
