you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
