I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
