Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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