Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
